A common feeling upon the death of a child, is the need to atone for hurting someone we cared so much about. Holding that anger and guilt in can cause early death! It is helpful to honestly ask ourselves why we think we could and should be perfect. After all, we are as good as we know how to be. We can act out our anger as a controlled expression of it, but it does not make it go away. It is normal to nurture our grievances to feel morally superior, but we have to realize that all behavior has a purpose. A question to ask ourselves is, what has to be true to cause this behavior. Release from guilt and anger comes from examination. We need to focus on what we can do. That is, know where your world ends and accept the fact that you cannot control anything beyond that. Shame causes feelings of inferiority and unrelieved guilt causes depression. These feelings are normal, but through examination you can gain knowledge and change. Forget the old adage and let yourself cry over spilled milk. Realize that our beliefs are largely based on early decisions and may need to be thrown out and replaced by more adult decisions.
Recommended books included "Emotional Intelligence" and "How Good Do We Have to Be?"
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